What Happened..?

Going back to the old skool today… Here’s one from my late teenage angst years. Can you tell this was written after a break-up??

Lying here on the floor,
Can’t help but feel there’s so much more.
More to come, no-one to blame,
Much more to take from all this pain.

You did this to me with your smile,
Just laid me out for a while.
I thought that spark was just for me,
You used it before, brought her to her knees.

Your warmth has gone and now we’re cold,
The ice between us begins to unfold.
All these words I want to say,
“I Love You” just slips away…

Your bright green eyes, now turned to black,
Your soft skin now begins to crack.
All those things, so right before,
Have left me bleeding… helpless, on the floor.

And so the red river flows.

And no-one knows.

As you walk away.

The mess you made, that’s what stays.

Hope

What is hope?

What is its purpose?

Hope is a tiny dragonfly that flutters its way across the sky, darting from sun to shadow wishing its flight to go straight.

Hope is something that breaks and swells like a wave in a storm. Sometimes you loose it completely and other times it crashes down on you, breaking on the sharp edges of your heart, reminding you in that time of black dismay that anything is possible.

Hope is something that keeps you afloat when everything else says you should drown.

Hope is that one last determined thread that holds your favourite jeans together just long enough for you to wear them one last time.

Hope is what keeps us going.

Hope for the future.

Hope that not everyday will be like today, when today has not been a good day.

Hope that things will change, and that you have the power and the strength to change them for the better.

Hope is the positive.

Hope will pull you through.

Hope is everything.

Little Spiral

Sometimes getting back to reality is never the same. Nothing ever seems to be where you left it and nobody’s noticed.The world’s moved forward and you feel left behind.

Caught up in a bubble, suspended in time, but now you’ve been popped; burst back into today.

It takes a while to adjust and re-mould your seat but you get there, eventually. And then you start out on the same little spiral that knocked you way out of time in the first place.

Life’s a crazy sort of sanity.

The Dark

When she called his name there was nothing. Nothing but the sound of empty darkness. Now she knew she was alone and she was scared.

Why was it that every time she found herself in a tight spot Todd took it as the perfect opportunity to go and ‘explore’. This time Lyndsey was less than amused. She swore that once she got hold of him she’d give him a piece of her mind, but for the moment she was rather more occupied with pawing her way blindly through the dark.

Lets just go and have a quick peek Lynds. I swear we’ll only be a minute. The words ran through Lyndseys head.

“Yeah right”, she muttered.

Lyndsey stumbled through the blackness. The walls felt damp and warm and the smell of rank water wafted up the passage, clinging to the air.

First Contact

She was by all accounts the perfect stranger. Someone you could watch from a distance, unseen and unnoticed in your attraction and no one was ever the wiser. A perfect figure in the strobe light propped up against the bar, half empty alcopop in hand, chewing on her straw. Not quite the measure of sophistication but still unattainable. Perfect, at least in your mind, from your perspective, but then again you’ll never get close enough to find out otherwise.

She’s just one deafening night’s vision, a small stream of stillness in a swarming packed out room, you don’t need contact; not really, you’re quite content to just watch and (dream.) And then she caught you…

A small eruption of distant laughter accompanied with simultaneous flicking of auburn hair, a flash of two blue charmers and you’re immersed. She caught the glint in your eye and the suggestion at the corner of your lips. She didn’t turn back straight away, neither did she embrace your gaze long enough for her surrounding fans to notice her distracted attentions, but you caught it. Enough to make you twitch, if only slightly. Enough to make you realise you weren’t dead inside after all. And in that insignificant moment, maybe to her just a polite recognition of an onlooker’s wandering eyes, your mind’s a jittery mes.

Abused

She tried to blink, her face still smarting from the blow. Her eyes watered and the warm tears cooled the heat of her cheek. Sara ran her fingers across her face and felt the raised markings of harsh fingertips burning into her. She flinched at the touch and closed her eyes once more. It had been a long night.

Marti stood in the far corner of the room, his left arm raised above his head, palm flat to the wall. His head was bowed to the floor and shrouded in smoke. Every few seconds he took a drag from his cigarette and slowly let the smoke leak out of the sharp corners of his mouth. The room was deadly silent, save for the eerie sound of cigarette smoke.

Sara dared not cry. She dared not breathe.

‘Why I Want a Girlfriend’ – My 16-year-old self’s satirical declaration inspired by Judy Syfers’ ‘Why I Want a Wife’

At the tender age of 16, without even realising it, I was given my first taste of powerful feminist satire. Judy Syfers’ (now Judy Brady) article ‘Why I Want a Wife’ appeared in the first issue of Ms. Magazine launched in the summer of 1972. The essay is perhaps one of the best remembered pieces from the magazines premiere issue and explores, with an appropriate amount of sarcasm and irony, the duties (or more often than not expectations) of the ‘modern day’ housewife.

I was presented with the article in a GCSE English lesson circa 2004. After the obligatory discussion and classroom analysis, this was my response:

‘Why I Want a Girlfriend’

I am a girlfriend. At least I was a girlfriend and know what that entails. We girls have to understand the specific needs and expectations of the boys and come to think of it I wouldn’t mind having a girlfriend myself.

I want a girlfriend to understand that my sexual needs come first. I want a girlfriend to do things without me having to ask twice and if I am tired when she is finished she should realise she will have to go without.

I want a girlfriend to look good and be beautiful all the time. I want a girlfriend to care about how she looks and never come out with me if she looks a state, because of course, I cannot be associated with any woman that looks anything less than a supermodel. I want a girlfriend to make me look good and impress my friends. I want a girlfriend who everyone fancies but knows that she belongs to me.

I want a girlfriend to listen to me and do what I tell her to. She should understand that when I go out she cannot come with me and will not complain when I come home in the early hours of the morning, drunk and demanding sex. I want a girlfriend to now that she is only allowed to out if I say it’s alright to do so. If I no not like her friends she cannot see them and must make friends with mine. I want a girlfriend to understand that she must fit into my social calendar and if I want her to stay in with me at home she should do so, happily.

I want a girlfriend to do things for me without me knowing and surprise me even thought she knows I will never do that for her. My girlfriend should always remember my birthday but not complain when I forget hers and don’t buy her a gift, after all, my life is much too important to clutter with pointless date to remember. I want a girlfriend to organise nights out for us, cook me meals and take me out places because she loves me and want to prove it. She should tell me she loves me everyday and not get insulted when I don’t say it back.

I want a girlfriend to know that if she alone does not satisfy my needs to my standards I have the right to look elsewhere. She should forgive me when I am unfaithful but realise that I maintain the right to finish her if she is unfaithful to me. My girlfriend should understand that she can never leave me and the only time she can even think of leaving is if I say it’s over.

And through all these things I want a girlfriend who will not complain. I want a girlfriend who realises all these things should be done without one question being asked and she should never annoy me with petty complaints that I do not love or care for her. However, I want a girlfriend who will happily listen to my ramblings about how I am not treated fairly or with respect and she should comfort me and tell me she loves me and always will. I want a girlfriend to look up to me and see me as her protector as this will boost my ego and make me feel better about myself. She should feel like she needs protecting and know that I am her protector. Under no circumstances is she allowed to make me feel small or embarrass me but she should understand that I am allowed to embarrass her in front of my friends and take advantage of her whenever I want.

I want a girlfriend who will never say no and succumb to any disgusting fantasy I want played out.

Really, if you think about it, I can’t believe anyone who says they wouldn’t want a girlfriend!

“Dreams are built… one brick at a time”

On Saturday my fiancée and I went to satisfy our inner, well lets face it, our outer geeks at ‘The Art of the Brick®’ Exhibition currently on display at The Old Truman Brewery in Brick Lane, London. To say that we were excited would be a gross understatement. The pair of us were brimming over like two giddy school children – not least because the exhibit promised a stunning 20ft long LEGO® dinosaur amongst its works!

We were not disappointed. The ‘Dinosaur Skeleton’ piece is by far the most impressive sculpture I have come across, in any medium. Of course I am biased. It is no big secret that I have a unique appreciation of all things dinosaur, which is perhaps why my fiancée chose the Dinosaur Gallery at the Natural History Museum as the backdrop for her Jurassic proposal last year; but that’s another story. The dinosaur in question here, an anatomically correct composition of a Tyrannosaurus Rex skeleton, is constructed in its entirety from 80,020 pieces of LEGO® and it is ROARsome!

    

Before you even reach the ‘Dinosaurium’, however, there are a feat of fascinating, imposing and truly remarkable works of art that will quite simply blow you away. The opening exhibition space features numerous acclaimed pieces of art that have been reimagined through the eyes of Nathan Sawaya. A who’s who of art history including Mona Lisa, the Venus de Milo, Michelangelo’s David, Vincent van Gogh’s Starry Night, and Vermeer’s Girl with a Pearl Earring to name but a few. The attention to detail in each piece is extraordinary, from the famous gaze of the Mona Lisa to the curves and pleats of the Venus de Milo; it is easy to forget that the medium here is a childrens toy. A piece of rectangular plastic – the humble LEGO® brick.

“I learned how to count to ten with the help of Sesame Street. I learned gravity thanks to my Slinky toy. Imagine a child learning art history through LEGO®!” – Nathan Sawaya

Moving through the exhibition you begin to get a feel for this artist, an ex-lawyer with a wild imagination who quit his job to play with LEGO® for a living. His sculptures range from the commonplace apple to the more complex and beautifully rendered life-size cello, complete with bow and strings, to the Solar System – a significant spherical milestone for the artist.

But perhaps the most interesting, eye-opening and emotionally surprising part of the exhibition is the section entitled ‘The Human Condition’. Several of the pieces in this gallery, along with their poignant annotations, resonated with me on a deeper, personal level. Pieces like ‘Hanging On’, ‘Cracked’ and ‘Disintegration’ were a stark reminder that although at times we may feel alone, in despair, or just downright ready to give up, we are in fact not alone. It is the nature of this thing we call ‘the human condition’ to suffer these ups and downs and we will, eventually, come out the other side.

        

“Haven’t we all been here, hanging on by a finger? I know I have. And though it might at first seem impossible, we usually manage to pull ourselves back up.” – Nathan Sawaya

    

The Art of the Brick is a wonderfully put together exhibition that quite literally has something for everyone! Whether you are an art lover, a LEGO® obsessive, a little kid (or a big one) or just a big time GEEK that loves anything remotely quirky or different (like me) Nathan Sawaya’s exhibition will not disappoint.

“The exhibition engages the child in all of us while at the same time highlighting sophisticated and complex concepts. I use LEGO® in my art because the toy is accessible. Chances are you probably don’t have a slab of marble or a ceramic kiln at home. But I bet you have some LEGO® bricks.” – Nathan Sawaya

For more information on the exhibition here in the UK and to book tickets visit: http://artofthebrick.co.uk/

Be sure to check out Nathan’s website here: http://brickartist.com/ or follow him on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebrickartist, Twitter: https://twitter.com/NathanSawaya, or Instagram: http://instagram.com/nathansawaya

This is what she wrote.

And so she began to write.

Everything she had ever felt or thought about feeling flowed out of her like water through a stream. And for once it wasn’t hard. It wasn’t hard to say she was in pain. And it wasn’t hard to say she missed her. But most of all it wasn’t hard to say she was in love with her.

Everything she had ever wanted to say to her just spilled out onto the page, no second thought or hesitation holding back the ink.

And it was freedom.

And it was writing that became her escape.

She entered a whole new world of possibilities when the words broke free from her hand. Her pen became her lips and the ink transformed her feeble words into everything she had ever wanted to say.

It was easy.

And for the first time in her life she felt like she was good at something.